Salvation
by kuroren23
Summary: Follow-up to DISGRACE. This time the events are written from Mihashi's point of view regarding the game with Mihoshi.


A/N: Oofuri isn't mine. And I couldn't thank the one who made it enough for the genius that made this series possible.

Dedicated to Heart of Shou, Morien Alexander and Kamiko-Miha—my eternal thanks. To those that gave what a lowly scribe always wishes for—an appreciative audience.

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**SALVATION**

**_Mihashi POV_**

**You are a good pitcher…**

_Abe touched my hand then…I knew that bawling my eyes out like a little kid was NOT the way to earn respect or gain confidence but at that moment I couldn't help myself. I was confronted once more with the nightmare that I thought I left behind when I transferred out of my old school. I nearly died when Momokan declared that the practice game be held between Nishiura and Mihoshi. But I couldn't do anything but cry. It was like they opened a gate to the nightmare I was desperately trying to escape from…**but Abe saved me** then…he came and rescued me from the paralyzing fear and even as I continued to wail, the warmth of his touch seared mine…telling me that for the first time…I had someone with me…that for the first time…I wasn't crying **ALONE**…_

…**I like you as a pitcher…**

_I wonder if he knows exactly just how much those words mean to me…how those simple, everyday words changed what I thought the world saw when they look at me…Abe was everything __**I wasn't**—everything I wish I was and know in my heart that I will never be—confident, self-assured and able to look at a person and tell them exactly how things are and how HE sees them without stumbling across the words…without wondering how to get his thoughts out before they shrivel up into the black hole that is embarrassment and self-consciousness. I was never the most eloquent person around and being around him made me both want to talk and unable to…so many words…so much I wanted to tell him and yet the words just couldn't come fast enough or clearly enough…_

**You're messed up and annoying but you work hard…**

_I wish I could've been more eloquent…I wished right there and then that I had Tajima's ability to say what I wanted without stammering because there was so much I wanted to tell him…for the first time someone was acknowledging my efforts to better myself…someone was actually recognizing what I have made of myself…the calluses that lined my hand and the pain that I had to endure to make myself better…more worthy…deserving…I couldn't tell him…there wasn't enough words how much I wanted to win…how much I wanted to prove to him and the others that I __**CAN** be worthy…that I can be so much better…_

**I'm sorry…it was my fault…**

_I never thought I'd ever see the day when someone would apologize for my failure…but Abe did…he apologized even when he was mad…and I knew that he was…but still he apologized to me…and made me feel like it wasn't my fault…I wanted to tell him that it was--! That it was MY fault but he wouldn't let me speak…he just babbled on about having a perfect game and it was then that I realized—he was aiming for something greater than just winning…that even as we play he was constantly thinking, constantly analyzing and at that moment…I wanted to tell him that I would do anything—train harder…be better…so that I could give him that perfect game…someday…_

**Because you were looking at them so regretfully!! **

_I wish I could tell him that I wasn't—but I couldn't lie—not to him…__**never to him**…never to the one person who approved of my paltry strength and considered it worthwhile. I knew that I harbored some regret—but it was only expected…because right before me was the team that I have wanted all those years ago…the team that I wanted to have when I joined the baseball team back in middle school…and now the same school that stripped me of my dreams and made me wonder if I had wasted all those years in something so futile…But I'm not the same person anymore…I wanted to tell him that…I made my choice…I walked away knowing that there was nothing more that I could salvage from the ruins of my baseball life with Mihoshi…the truth was that I regret the ties I was unable to forge with the people I wanted to be my friends and companions all those years ago…_

**I wanted a clear win!!**

_I wish I could tell him that I wanted it too…that more than anything I wanted the team that gave me another chance the opportunity to have what I couldn't give when I was in Mihoshi—a victory. I wish I could tell him the truth that he misunderstood--that what I felt wasn't regret but rather a belated sense of guilt because despite the troubles that I got from Mihoshi, it was nothing compared to what I gave them--a bad record and a miserable memory of my presence in their lives…but most of all I wish I could've had the words to tell him—Abe—the one person whose opinion mattered the most—that I wanted to win too…That I wanted a victory just as much as he did...**because of him**__…because as long as we could be together as a battery—I would always want to win…_


End file.
